Humanity and fear

We are a few days into this trip and I feel myself becoming increasingly more emotional, or rather just reflective I guess. I have really started to just sit back and think and genuinely consider both myself as well as the concept of humanity.  The amount of just raw humanity that is shown by this group is simply inspiring to me. I experienced something today that, at first made me angry but transpired into something much more positive. I was standing at the top of a 25-foot ladder today, completey petrified, as with every gust of wind, shift of balance, or pretty much anything else I saw as an obstacle, I would put down my paintbrush, close my eyes, and stand frozen for a moment. To those who do not know me very well, you should know that I do not often accept my own fears because I feel like if I don't recognize a fear then it in turn just won't exist. So with this said I forced myself to stay on the ladder, although for only about 20 minutes. Eventually I got down from the ladder and when asked if I wanted to go back up I knew that I was not willing to do it. I beat myself up over what I thought was some great act of cowardice on my part because I was not mentally strong enough  to go back up the ladder.
It was not until about 20 minute ago, at around 11pm that I stopped beating myself up about how for one of the first times in my life I just could not shake a feeling of fear. What kind of made me step back and reconsider my experience was when my oldest friend, who had been on the ladder next to me, says "In almost 15 years of friendship I don't know if I have ever seen you so terrified." She then continued to say how proud she was of me for trying, and for pushing myself beyond the little bubble of security that I have always been so comfortable in.
So this "humanity" that I speak of became clear to me, not just in this one instance of friendship, but throughout this trip as a whole thus far. I find it absolutely beautiful that I have been given the opportunity to surround myself with people so in touch with humanity. These people encourage me to be a better person, not for the sake of competition, but because it is just the right thing to do. It pains me to think that we only have 2 more days before we leave to go back to Massachusetts because I don't ever want to stop being reminded of the love, dedication, commitment, and kindness that I have seen while on this trip.
-Mary Shakshober